Never The Less, I Have Chosen You … God spoke to me as my life lay in shambles and all seemed lost … As I read Haggai the Lord spoke to me and confronted me asking me what I had been feeling and saying. 1/17/21
I have said “my life is in bad shape, I am disgraced, my life is ruined.” “The time for me to rebuild my life is not yet come and may never come.” I will never be good enough to even start building. Many are those against me, even within my own family.
The Lord then asked me this question; “What should be your priority? To clean up, grow up, and rebuild My dwelling place within you or to continue trying to get your act together without Me?” So, think carefully about your disaster and what you are doing. You have planted much and harvested very little. You eat but aren’t satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. The money you earn goes out through holes in your portfolio. You are getting nowhere. Now, pay close attention to the ruins that are within you and go gather up the materials that are needed in order to build yourself up and construct a solid building for My dwelling place within you. Once you start honoring Me, we have a starting place to build. Currently, you are concentrating on all your own woes and are ignoring My dwelling place within you. As a result you are trying to live without the fresh blessings from heaven and instead of thriving your life is barely surviving. Everything you do seems to lead to chaos and everything you touch seems to fall apart and decay. It all seems hopeless.
But, take heart, for even in the middle of all these woes, “I am with you!” I have not selected you because of how qualified or good you are, but because of who I Am and what I can do with and within you. As you walk with Me, follow My instructions, mature, and respect me; I will bless you and My rain from heaven will once again fall upon you and your land. Do not be afraid to rebuild for My promise to you is staying in place and My Word is good and true. “The good work that I started in you will continue until that day when you can be mature and complete in all things.” For I have chosen you and your latter days will be greater than the former ever were. And, you will have Peace.
*A prophetic “word” spoken to me from scripture as my world and all the world was weird and upside down in craziness: “The first year will be your dying, surviving, and hearing from Me. The second year will be learning and eating from the pieces of life and previous plantings. The third year will be new plantings and growth and enjoying the produce from the new plantings. 2 Kings 19:29-31 July 1 / 21
From Things to People … As Jesus was walking beside the Sea, He saw Simon and Andrew casting a net into the lake because they were fishermen. He said to them, ‘come follow Me and I will have you fishing for people.’ They immediately left their nets and followed Him. As Jesus walked through Central Oregon, He saw me putting plumbing together for building projects. He said to me, ‘come follow Me and I will have you putting together life giving pieces for people, that they may be built up into their mature creation.’ So I laid aside my plumbing and followed Jesus. 2/15/22
Role Model: We are only able to be a role model to the extent of our relational maturity. Most all of us desire to be a good mature role model to our children. Since relational maturity is caught and not just verbally taught, it does very little good to say “do as I say, not as I do”. Although, that is better than saying nothing at all. As I look back at the chaos times of my life I can go all the way back 60 some years ago to when I was a child watching my parents interact. Since my parents were missionaries they should know and model it all maturely, right? While I knew my mother loved me dearly, she would do and say things that I knew weren’t the correct thing to do, but my dad wouldn’t do or say anything about it. I don’t think he knew how. As I grew older I confronted him several times saying “dad, say something to mom, what she is doing isn’t right.” But he never did. He finally said; she has been this way for a long time and it would be too hard to change it now.” My dad was a peace maker and just wanted to keep the peace. My mother lived in control and perfect country in everything and all of us kids needed to be “good” at all times. I think I got at least one spanking, that I deserved, almost every day. Since I lived in a fun and peace personality it was easy to be out of line. It is good that she is in heaven where it is perfect, or she would be correcting me in this writing. Sooo, as I grew older (notice I didn’t say matured) what did I do and how did I act? Like a child and like my dad. I didn’t know what to do and how to handle relationships, except to keep quiet in confrontation and to quote scripture like my mom would do. Although I didn’t follow it all since I was privileged because my parents were missionaries. How sad. This all led to chaos in my relationships. A little quiz here; Knowing what to do and telling you what to do but not doing it myself is what relational maturity level? Right .. child maturity. And what type of trauma did I experience in this? Right .. Type A trauma. As I grew up there was an absence of any one around me who had parental relational skills. So, since I lived in the jungle with no one else around that had parental relational skills, I was stuck at the relational level of my parents which was child maturity. Pretty much where I lived for the first 70 years of my life. Should it end like this? Is there any hope?? Your response will show where you are in your understanding of RM (relational maturity)..
In the extreme pain of relational separation and not understanding.. “Lord what are you doing? How can this be? What is this all about?” “I am taking from you… and taking you to a place to protect you and into a place where you can learn and mature. “Don’t short–circuit what I am trying to do with you and others” ….. Holy Spirit
LIFE CHANGERS: THE INFILLING 1 /20 Part One
LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS are events or encounters that occur and impact our lives in a radical permanent way. For me “the infilling” has been the most radical, life changing event in my life. I will share this in 2 parts; the first being what happened and the testimony. The second part will be about the radical changes that are taking place in my life due to “the infilling”.
I need to make it clear that this was not a dream. I was wide awake in deep emotional pain after a heart wrenching rejection. I was in my bed with the moonlight lighting the room. I was talking out loud to myself and to God if he was there somewhere.. “Oh God, I don’t know what to do or how to even react,, this is so heavy… what do I do now?” As I lay there Jesus answered and said “what do you do?,,, or would you rather that I take it and deal with it?” My reaction was “really?!! You would take this? Yes, yes, You can have it and deal with it as you see fit..” I felt a total calm come over me and then in slow motion a tingling started on the top of my head and entered me so that the tingling was coming from inside out and slowly proceeding down my body. I felt myself swelling as if I was being put on like a glove. My head, ears, eyes, nose; the tingling stopped just before the ends of my fingers so I wiggled my fingers and the tingling flooded all the way to the tips. I was breathing heavily and said “Jesus, you are taking me over, just like the body snatchers, (I have never seen the body snatchers, but, I knew he was taking my body over).
The tingling, like bubbles, continued all the way down through my torso, into my stomach, down through my genitals, and down my legs to my ankles, where it stopped. So I wiggled my feet and tingling proceeded through my feet and into my toes. (For weeks, I had a pain in my right heel that had been really nagging me.) The tingling had stopped just before that pain. When the bubbling tingles started again after I wiggled my toes, they picked up the pain and slowly pushed it hurting, all the way through my foot, into my big toe and out! (The pain has never come back).
By now my whole body is vibrating and I am saying “Jesus, you’re in me! You’re in me! I get up and look at myself in the moonlight and I am shaking and swollen. I go into the bathroom, turn on the light and yup! I am still shaking and swollen! I am beside myself, and Jesus IS IN ME! (By now you are probably thinking, he’s lost it … and, Yes, I lost myself that night and it is now Jesus in me! My hope and His Glory!) I wandered around the house the rest of the night looking at my hands. I felt like superman. “If I lay these hands on anything it will change! No wonder when hands were laid on people that they got healed..! Because they were laying Jesus’s hands on them!!” And so my night went.
THE WITNESS: During the night I asked Jesus Who is now in me; why did You push the pain out of my toe? He answered; “So that you would know that it was Me and not just something that happened to you.”
When the stores finally opened in the morning and I had fed the animals, I went to Home Depot to find a one of a kind decorator wall plate cover that matched mine. I needed 3, they only had 3. While looking at them (I am still tingling and feeling like my hands are loaded cannons), Toni, a dear friend and prayer warrior in the Lord who works at Home Depot, approached me. She asked what was happening with me and I told her “you are the first one I am sharing this with” and I told her the story. She says “you are drunk, you are drunk in the Spirit; lay your hands on me” and in the middle of Home Depot’s electrical isle she received impartation from the Lord!
I met with my pastor Josh 2 days later at coffee and shared what had happened to me. He said, “That is similar to what happened to me in Florida. You will never be the same. Everything will be different!” AND SO IT IS!! (See part 2)
THE “INFILLING” AFTERMATH: Part 2
During and immediately following the “infilling”, I became strongly aware of Jesus. “Jesus, you are in me!” “Jesus, you are right here!” (Right inside my upper chest by my heart and the Vega nerve.) Up to this point in my life the Holy Spirit has been around and I can find Him if I try, but, most of the time I did my thing and called Him and talked with Him if I needed Him. Now, Jesus; the Christ (Christ means messiah) is in me! Jesus and I are walking, hearing, touching, tasting, and going to, the same things at the same time! At times I embarrass Him; while driving I cut somebody off and immediately felt His embarrassment, “that didn’t make You feel good did it?” “No, that didn’t offer that driver any joy or call him to any maturity.” “Wow, sorry”.
I now have instant access to Jesus for any question, decision, or reason. There is no waiting for Him to show up or me trying to make a decision on my own and having to live with the consequences. I ask Him what His heart is about in this matter and He answers me. This has totally changed what I do, where I go, decisions I make; what a relief and peace (shalom) is in me! (I have many stories of this that I will share in other of my writings). Jesus is even in the very small details and that brings me greater appreciation of His intricate care and love for me. One little story: I had packed my truck and was leaving early to meet a contractor in a neighboring town at an early hour. Suddenly I thought “oh no, my wallet, and I need gas”. I stopped and did a hurried search and found nothing. I felt anxiety increase as I started to turn around to go back and get my wallet. I knew that this would make me late for my appointment. I paused, and tapped my chest and asked Jesus where my wallet was. He answered “under that stack of papers on your seat.” I lifted the stack and sure enough, there it was! That little thing did more for me that day than anything else! He is right here! Now! In me!
Here is a Biggy: since Jesus is in me I am now literally connected to the spirit world and all the angels and all the assignments that are going on with all of them and their connections to me. There is no such thing as the western mentality of doing my thing in my corner. I am not alone; What I decide or do shakes the entire network in the spirit world. So, I stay very aware of what Jesus has in mind and what his purpose is in all of my situations and dealing and relationships. Since Jesus is in me, all my relationships are now His relationships! And all His relationships are mine! I now kiss my spouse as kissing Jesus. (Feeling weird yet? This has rattled me. I now understand the making love concept presented in Love after Marriage.)
Since Jesus and I are connected, I am now connected to you, the reader of this writing. You are now a part of my network since you are a part of Jesus’ network! Since Jesus is in me, you will be loved and treated the same from me as from Him. (Jesus, help me)! Shalom.
Note; This is a glimpse of Covenant Concepts. This will be expanded in its own teaching page.
Learning about my identity and studying Generosity at the Thrive Conference in Denver: 10 / 22 There was a stooped over Latino cleaning lady at the hotel where we stayed. She was busing tables during the morning breakfast and was not appealing in outward beauty. I felt impressed to tip her every day for the 5 days that I was there. When I told her on Friday that I was leaving and wouldn’t see her any more, she gave me a blessing in Spanish that I will never forget; “Senor, you have been blessed by God and you have blessed me. The Lord will bless you wherever you go and in whatever you do.” I was stunned by the blessing she had given me. I wasn’t expecting anything from her. How could she give anything to me? At that moment, she was transformed from a stooped maid into a radiant angel. I gave her an “abrazo” (public hug) and left in tears.
The Overwhelm … From the hotel maid blessing I went to the Thrive classroom and learning about generosity. I have been blessed with the spirit of generosity that my grandfather Roy had and I also enjoy. One of the questions that was asked in class was; “what is hindering you from receiving and being more generous?” I asked the Lord, “what do I need to do to be more generous?.” He responded, “I am removing the obstacles from your life that are a hindrance to you so that you can live in your identity and freely receive and give what I have for you.” I saw this picture of things and people in my life slowly flowing by in a large slow flowing muddy river. Things and people around me would suddenly be jarred and then slowly start floating down the river. I started to reach out and grab on to someone or something a couple of times but then stopped and let them all go. I was supposed to let them go … Then from up above from a steel beam tower He (I never saw His face) started pouring this giant golden kettle of warm oil like honey into my hands and it just kept coming and began flooding all around me and rising. I am crying and feeling overwhelmed with the joy of what He is pouring on me. I cry out “Jesus, You are going to have to stop or I’m going to drown. It’s up to my neck now. I’m not going to be able to breathe.” He said, “I’m not going to stop,” as He tipped the kettle further and started pouring a larger stream; “I’m going to teach you to breathe under water.” The liquid went up over me and I tried breathing and sure enough I could breathe and was looking at all this liquid around me. Thinking, now what do I do with all this? I was so overwhelmed with the warmth of the oil and honey of His Love. The class instructor brought me a second box of tissue and I was back in the classroom. They say each wave of intense emotions lasts about 90 seconds. I had wave after wave. Five days later as I write this, I am still in the tears of good overwhelm… What happens at Thrive doesn’t stay at Thrive.
“IT” left !! *I have always had “static” running in the background of living daily life. “It” has been like a minor agitation that is just there and I have seen as a normal part of me. Everyone is probably like this. “It” has been related to the fun in sexual energy. Since I have the personality of living in Fun Country, “it” was just a part of who I was. As I was once again living alone and feeling the agitation, I was talking with the Lord about “it” and said, “since You have made me this way, You will have to do something about “it” if You want me to be any different than who I now am.” At the time I was standing in my upper room where I do my writing. Suddenly, the agitation left and there was a great calm that I had never experienced before. I was so startled that I said out loud, “it left”. “It is gone.” “The static is gone!” That calm and peace has remained ever since. And the sexual tie is gone. Amazing! How dramatically undramatic. I wasn’t even on my knees fervently praying that Jesus would intervene and deliver me. I was just standing there and said; This is how You made me and if You want me different You are free to change me. And He immediately took “it” out!
I now realize that what I thought was just a normal part of me was actually something (a spirit) that had attached to me at some point in my life. “It” had a point of entry most likely through some trauma I had experienced. I had experienced a couple of sexual encounters as a young person but had never seen them as a trauma because I thought traumas were something a person felt bad about, and I had thought it was all fun. So “it” being the sneaky rascal he is had quietly attached to me and lived there for over 60 years. Wow. I am now enjoying the freedom of my sane, clear, peaceful mind and heart! Thank You Jesus!
I have a daily routine of feeding my chickens and horses in the morning. When my bouncing 4 year old granddaughter is here, she loves to go with me to help. It is all an exciting adventure for all of us including the chickens and horses. One morning when I was in hurry and she had been lagging behind getting her cow shoes on, she brought me up short with, “Pappi wait, wait.” Then while bouncing around me all full of life as we went down the hill to feed she continued her chatter… “Pappi, I just want to be with you. Here, hold my hand; I want to hold your hand. I want to run with you but I won’t run any faster than you can run.” I looked down at her hanging on to my hand and the Lord started talking to me. She continued; “If you get tired, I will stop and rest with you, and if you get thirsty, I will go get you a drink. I just want to be with you!” By now tears were streaming down my face and I looked at her intently; Jesus was talking to me directly through a 4 year old. She noticed my tears; “Pappi, you are crying, I love you!” as she latched onto my leg. “I love you too!” as I reached down and scooped her up into my arms. My 4 year old was showing me all the basic, essential, skills of an infant that I did not have. At that point I knew that Jesus wanted me to mature relationally so that I could be an effective blessing to my family and to all the people around me and to all those I would meet in the future.
Some Signs I am Relationally Maturing; What are some signs that I am Relationally Maturing?: One of the first things I noticed was that I was not getting upset when things weren’t right or someone didn’t behave properly. … I noticed that I didn’t have to defend my positions when someone close disagreed with me. … I no longer secretly wished that a reckless driver would get pulled over by a cop or that he would slide into a ditch. … I started seeing everyone in a different light, all of them non-threatening, just with different levels of maturity. I now see uncomfortable encounters as maturity opportunities for myself and not correction opportunities for others. I see myself as malfunctioning in different areas of life and that I need to grow up (mature); I no longer see myself as bad or evil because I know my heart wants to do what is right. … Somewhere in all of this, Jesus intervened and gave me a new heart! … I notice that I am able to be totally open to “parents and elders” without fear of rejection. … I notice that I am peaceful, all day long! … I notice that I want to help rather than looking for an escape. … It is interesting to note that I had to reach outside of my immediate family, church family, and circle of friends in order to find relationally mature “parents and elders” that I could connect with and help me mature. I find that I am continually amazed at my new self and that I am looking forward to each new day. … And how long did it take for me to mature this far (from an infant and child)? I have now been seriously at this for a little over 3 years and (arguing with it as a child) for 2 years before that. So, “Are we there yet?!” “No … I briefly joined the adults and then went on over the next mountain to become a parent and elder!”
My primary life duty and goal is to reach Parent level RM (Relational Maturity) where I am a living showcase of what it is like me to be in all relational situations, Good or Bad. How do I act and react when life and relationships are good?!! And as a RM parent, how do I act and react when life and relationships are not good and hard?! Remember, all those following and watching me in all these situations learn and mature by how they see me act and react. And what does that look like?!! My RCs are on to you; I attune to you and your cries; I make a safe place for you to belong. I introduce you to Jesus. I help you find your identity and I help you find Jesus. I operate from a base of Love. I will not judge you but will bring good shame messages calling you to maturity and thus avoiding the path you are on that will lead to the destruction of your life or the life of others. I don’t leave or abandon you, even if I have to physically protect myself or those with me. I am still available when you call. My primary focus or The Day I am in is to share RM with you and help you relationally mature and find true joy and abundant Life! My final fulfillment is seeing God’s Spirit living within us and all of us thriving in the life of Relational Maturity!
“Joshua was now very old. The Lord said to him, ‘You are very old, but there is still much land to be taken; … I will drive out all these peoples as you advance as I command you. Continue on as I have commanded you to do and be a blessing to those following you.” Joshua13:1,6
Currently: What’s Happening with me? What is God speaking to me about? What is Jesus doing in my life? ……. As you read the daily Meditations I post you will get an insight and some mind-sight into what Holy Spirit is speaking and doing in me! We can enjoy these sharings together!