Inner Turmoil and Frustration Expressions; Blowing a gasket, reached my tipping point, pushed me over the edge, having a meltdown, losing it, had it, lost my mind, blew up, flipped out, cold as ice, that look, cold stare, If looks could kill, the silent treatment, pouting, sulking, getting even, plotting, you’ve got it coming to you, winning at all cost, proving you wrong, I’ll show you, but it’s not right, you make me mad, I could just scream, yelling, cursing …..These are some phrases we use and ways of expression when my RCs (Relational Circuits) go off and I suddenly find myself in enemy mode. You, who I normally like, are now my enemy. As strange as it may seem, this also shows how RM (Relationally Mature) I am. As a RM infant, I justify my behavior with my thought process of “you are keeping things away from me that I need and want. You just don’t care.” As a RM child, I justify my behavior with my thought process of “It’s not right, you are doing it wrong, I know better than you, you are not doing what I want, you make me mad, you make me sad. You will never change.” As a RM adult, I justify my behavior with my thought process of “Hey, I am doing my part and even more than my part, but you are not doing your part. This is not fair; we do not have a partnership that is satisfactory to me. You are not with me in this.” As a RM parent what you are doing may not be good or “right” or fair and you may not currently be the partner that I wish I had, and it may make me sad; but, I keep my RCs on and learn how to attune to who you are and how I can help by showing you how I react when all is rough. So, I am not justifying my behavior. I consistently show love and you are not my enemy, but a friend. Things are now way more calm. Of course, as I mature relationally, I change and become the calm parent who is at peace even in the midst of the turmoil of others around me. As a RM elder, my RCs are on and I am a source of encouragement and strength to the parents and the entire community that I’m a part of. I bring joy and life to all accompanied with Godly wisdom.
I Leave you and Forsake you; How is it that you are a great friend for a season and then you leave me and I am not even on your radar? You actually avoid me? Well, once again RM (Relational Maturity) plays the role. As an infant I am around as long as you feed and take care of me. If you quit for whatever reason, I am mad at you and let you know it and I have to find a new source. As a child life is about me and I will play a calculated game to befriend you in order to use you to get what I want or to get to the next step in my acquisitions. When you quit playing my game, I am gone. As an adult I will stay with you unless I feel it isn’t fair or it is not what I had expected from you. (note.. Those of parent and elder maturity generally stay loyal and continue to mature relationally).
“IT” left !! *I have always had “static” running in the background of living daily life. “It” has been like a minor agitation that is just there and I have seen as a normal part of me. Everyone is probably like this. “It” has been related to the fun in sexual energy. Since I have the personality of living in Fun Country, “it” was just a part of who I was. As I was once again living alone and feeling the agitation, I was talking with the Lord about “it” and said, “since You have made me this way, You will have to do something about “it” if You want me to be any different than who I now am.” At the time I was standing in my upper room where I do my writing. Suddenly, the agitation left and there was a great calm that I had never experienced before. I was so startled that I said out loud, “it left”. “It is gone.” “The static is gone!” That calm and peace has remained ever since. And the sexual tie is gone. Amazing! How dramatically undramatic; I wasn’t even on my knees crying desperately for a touch from Jesus. I was just standing there saying, “You made me and if you want me to be different, You are free to do it.” And He took “it” out!
I now realize that what I thought was just a normal part of me was actually something (a spirit) that had attached to me at some point in my life. “It” had a point of entry most likely through some trauma I had experienced. I had experienced a couple of sexual encounters as a young person but had never seen them as a trauma because I thought traumas were something a person felt bad about, and I had thought it was all fun. So “it” being the sneaky rascal he is had quietly attached to me and lived there for over 60 years. Wow. I am now enjoying the freedom of my sane, clear, peaceful mind and heart! Thank You Jesus!
Truth or Lies; Truth sets us free while lies hold us in bondage. Let’s remember the devil is the father of lies and I am agreeing with him when I believe lies. Lies generally have 2 parts; a lie about myself and a lie about God. So, why would I believe lies? Well, sometimes it is because I want to justify the stance I have taken and if I find out the truth, my justification is no longer valid. It may be a fear of me being mature enough to do something I don’t want to do. So the lie seems to be the safer solution. I might be punished if I tell the truth. I will look foolish if I don’t stick with my lie … Here are some Lies we may have adopted: Temporary evil is required in order to accomplish things that I feel need done … There is no absolute truth … Make a decision and live with the consequences … God’s priority is to keep us together … I can’t go back if I have been betrayed … Life will be better with someone else … My kids will get over it … That person will never change … I must protect myself … I am not enough … I am not loved … I don’t belong … I’m number 1 and must look after myself, I must be loyal to my new loyalty even though I know it isn’t correct … God is just involved in the big things of life … God has to bless it if it is legal … This is just how I am … I’m an exception, It really doesn’t apply to me … God is looking the other way because I am privileged due to my (parents, past traumas, social status) … I don’t want to hurt them by telling the truth … Some things don’t have to line up with the Bible … It’s all a matter of interpretation (mine) … God didn’t really say what I originally said that He told me … All shame and shame messages are bad … God doesn’t care about the details of my life … If you were the perfect fit everything would be going smoothly for me … My inner voice is the highest source of guidance … I can trust how I understand things … I can’t trust God …
Where Have My Parents and Elders Gone! *I learn by example; I turn, and turn; A long time is passing. I turn, turn, turn to find; Where have all the parents gone? A long time is passing. They have split up every one; They are children every one. How will we ever learn? When will I ever learn? I’ve got a long long way to go. … Where have all the elders gone? A long time is passing. They have moved to Florida every one; They have moved to Arizona every one. They are trying to be young adults every one. How will we ever learn? When will I ever learn? A long time is passing. My learning is catching; but, no one is pitching. A long time is passing. When will we ever learn? How will I ever learn? I’ve got a long long way to go … It is time to turn, turn, and return; before all my time is passing … I swear it’s not too late …
THE CRIES OF THE CHILDREN The following cries are from the relational “children” all around us wondering “where are my RM parents”?
Life is experienced in seasons… physically and spiritually.. Understanding which season or “Day” I am in and participating in it to the fullest will greatly enhance my life. Where is my RM parent doing life with me to show me how? For everything there is a season…
A person may be very Smart and Intelligent and have a great amount of knowledge: But, that does not make him Wise… Wisdom is better that Smarts.. A Wise friend is always the better choice. Where is my RM parent to help me pick my friends and community? Because I as a RM parent have those kind of friends.
America does not equal God. Just because it is legal in America does not make it right. The majority is not the deciding factor in deciding right. Our Creator makes the rules and we do not have a vote on them. There are Absolutes. All is not relative. Everything does not have to be tolerated and considered equal. Where is my RM parent doing life with me and showing me how this all plays out?
Keep watching for more here under Cries ….. Or note and add some of your own that the Holy Spirit is illuminating to you … (This thread started under Reaching Parent Level RM) in Teachings.
“CHILD” RELATIONAL MATURITY MERRY GO ROUND
A child in physical age is from 4 to 12 years of age. In the relationship world where we all interact daily in order to survive and relate to others, childhood begins at age 4 and can go on the rest of a person’s life if they do not mature relationally.
So, a 30 year old can easily be a child relationally. Life is about them and centers on all their wants. They know everything and are very rigid with their rules. They can be very impatient. Sharing means that you give me half of what you have. They watch out for number 1 and have not learned how to give without receiving. A “child” sees himself as number 1.
However, the “child” thinks they are mature because they are functioning in life and are over 21! Verbally convincing them that they are acting like a child is very difficult because they think as a child and understand as a child and they have had a lot of practice at it.
The issue gets into a not so merry go round when the “child” is confronted by an “adult” or perhaps another “child” about being childish and “you need to grow up”. How does the “child” take the news? Well, as a child! There is no capacity for the “child” to process issues as an adult. Meanwhile, the “adult” is expecting the “child” to process it as an adult. And both the “child” and the “adult” get very frustrated with each other.
God has given each of us a part of His heart which always starts with love and then adds many possibilities such as caring, teaching, creating, exploring, helping ,,,, That piece of heart we have been given will be expressed at the relational maturity level we possess. I have been told for years that I act just like a child with my openness of expressing my piece of Gods heart which is caring by openly giving you a hug. That is because I have been and still am to some degree, a “child”. It is only now that I recognize that about myself and see myself maturing into an adult. I am now able to progress and express myself as a relationally mature “adult”!
Having said all that, as an “adult” talking to a “child” and expecting him to understand it as an adult, does not work. There is a way to help a “child” mature by going back and picking up the necessary skills that were missed in his early development. It is a process. But, most generally when the “child” begins to realize that there are some missing pieces of being more mature relationally, and that it was not his fault that he missed them, he will want to change! God has put the desire in all of us to mature and be whole. We just don’t know how. There is big hope for a relational “child”!
DIVORCE GOD HATES: Mal. 2:16 Why does God hate divorce?
Divorce goes against God’s character of Love and His command to love even those we are holding in enemy mode.
Divorce requires me to Judge the other person. “You are bad and/or have these flaws.” This leads to justification of why I am having this divorce.
Divorce concentrates on traumas; both A traumas (things that I see that are missing or are Absent) and B traumas (things that are Bad or I see as evil).
So to divorce or go to court I concentrate on what the other person isn’t; all the negatives that are Absent and I see as missing in our relationship.
Or – And I concentrate on the “Bad or evil” things or characteristics that the other person has or is doing or maybe has the possibility of doing. In so doing I set my heart on not forgiving the other person.
This breaking of relationship generally lasts a lifetime and not only affects me personally but it also affects all those around me. I am indirectly teaching others how to divorce (the thing God hates). It is interesting to note that the vast majority of divorces occur with relationally mature level “infants” and “children”. The least amount of divorces occur with those in “parent” and “elder” relational maturity levels.
FEAR
God does not use fear to guide His people. Fear is a paralyzing place and a bad place to stay. Our enemy, the evil one, uses fear as one of his primary weapons against us. He wants to keep us in fear. Fear is undermined trust. Enemy mode with God is when I fear that God cannot be trusted and I just want to get out of the life He has placed me in. My attachment style is affected and I run to escape instead of seeking the secure attachment with Jesus.
I get stuck if I am operating out of fear (which is the back of the brain).. I should be operating out of desire (the desire to be the “I am” God created me to be) … Hopeless despair is when I stop acting like myself … Avoiding pain , Maximizing pleasure, Pleasing others, Performing well for others are all based in fear …
The “fear of the Lord” means having respect for God; …… It does not mean being afraid of God.
So, what does it mean when I am afraid? Am I bad? …… No, I am just suffering for the most part because I am still a “child” along with the vast majority of the rest of the world. Things are not as I wish and in my control. My demands and wishes are not being met. Trust is a very hard thing to have as a RM child. I can’t trust God or anyone else to get done what I want. I just have to take care of myself. (What I really need is to just grow up and mature.)
It takes a RM Parent to go with the flow that God has for me and the course of life he has for me. I then realize that the pain, and the hard times, and the time passing me by, and human betrayals, and disappointments in what I wanted, and my crumbling kingdom, and …… and …… are all a part of my specially designed curriculum that God has prepared for me. This all matures me and brings me into the real “I am” of who I am. …. Which is like Him. (I am love … kind … gentle … faithful … peaceful … )
Soo … I really can Trust and Not be afraid; For the Lord God is my strength. Ps.56:4 … And Jesus is always with me on my course of life!! Matt.28:30