WHY RELATIONAL MATURITY MATTERS: The following statements reflect different levels of relational maturity (Infant; Child; Adult; Parent; Elder). Life is hard as an Infant, frustrating as a Child, tolerable but tense as an Adult, meaningful as a Parent, satisfying as an Elder.
We all relate to others through relational maturity (RM) .. Just how mature am I?
Just because I am functioning in life, holding a job, doing my duties, and talking, doesn’t mean that I am relationally mature. At infant and child level relational maturity (RM), I was able to function and run a successful business. However, my family and those around me suffered and did not have great relational connections with me due to me being a RM infant and child. I daily operated as an infant and child. So, how relationally mature I am affects all those around me.
Relational maturity is mostly caught by example and not by being verbally taught. I catch this maturity from my parents and those in my family and community who are more relationally mature than I am. This is how we in my community relate, act, and react, whether things are going well or going very badly.
It is very important to note that we relate to God in a relational way. This is how I know that God loves me and talks with me and goes through life with me. It is all relational. I am very limited with God if I do not have my relational circuits (RCs) on and if I am not relationally mature.
It is interesting to see Jesus being born as an infant and maturing relationally until at the age of 12 He was interacting with the elders of His day as a RM adult. Then at the age of 30 His mother gently pushed Him into His place as a RM parent. From then on we see Him as a RM parent to everyone. I currently come to Jesus as my Father. This is all relational. I connect with Jesus relationally.
What Does Being “Mature” Relationally Mean? Life is so much easier, makes way more sense, and is less frustrating when I am mature relationally. Being “mature” relationally means that I have learned all the basic skills of how to healthily interact with others. Ideally I learn these skills as I physically mature through the 6 stages of life; Preborn, Infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. Here, we only are dealing with the last 5 levels. Sadly most of us, including myself, are missing some basic, essential skills that I should have learned at each level as I grew up. But, not to worry! There is hope because I can learn these skills no matter how old I may be physically and no matter how many skills I may be missing.
Relational maturity does not involve good or bad, right or wrong. It is not bad to be a relational child, but it is very frustrating. As a “child” I need to mature relationally in order to operate at the full capacity of who I am. Very few sins are “unto death.” Malfunctioning due to immaturity does not mean that I am bad. It means that I need to grow up!
What is Maturity? Relational maturity comes from having appropriate needs met and mastering a growing set of relational tasks we are meant to learn as we pass through the stages of life.
Things that go through all maturity levels in different manners: Play … Joy … Genius … Trauma … God connection … People connection …
Relational Maturity does not mean that I forget what it is to be an infant, a child, an adult, or a parent. It means that I can put aside being a child and enter into being an adult and then a parent. If I don’t mature relationally, I hit a ceiling and am stuck at the highest level of my current relational maturity. I am not able to lay aside my childish things because I have no higher level to take on. At this point, when pushed to mature, some may retreat back into their infant level and pull a Sgt. Shultz “I know nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing.” I am not responsible for myself… you are.
The great news is that I am not stuck at my current relational maturity level and will never change. The relational part of my brain which is the prefrontal cortex of my right hemisphere continually grows all of my life and desires to properly mature and connect relationally. God designed us that way on purpose. Perhaps this is a part of me that will continue on into heaven in my new body! I can grow up and mature relationally as I learn the skills that I missed out on due to those around me not having the necessary skills that are needed in order for me to mature and live by. Note: I will always be maturing in this life. That is what makes it worthwhile every morning I wake up!! What do I have the privilege of learning and new heights gain today?!!
I connect with and hear from God through the relational maturity level I am in. As an infant or relational child I mostly just ask for things for myself. My conversations with God are much more meaningful and enjoyable as an adult and as a relationally mature parent and elder.
Praying, going to the altar, repenting, asking forgiveness, having Jesus in my heart, all do not make me a relationally mature person. When I as a child do all these things, I will be a saved child, but still be a child and behave as a child.
Hearing from God does not mean I am relationally mature. God speaks to and calls the “little children” (infants) (Samuel). God will call to me and speak to me in whatever RM level I may be in.
There are no “break thoroughs” to relational maturity. I may have a spiritual “break thorough” to freedom from bondages and oppressions, but I will not “break thorough” into relational maturity. RM involves skills we have learned and are learning like; sharing joy, learning to rest, speak, listen, calm myself, attune, appreciate, having mind sight, seeing what God sees, returning to joy, understanding attachment, keeping my RCs (relational circuits) on, communicating, and other important skills.