Every human being needs to know and feel that someone genuinely cares for them. As an infant, I need to have that secure feeling that my mother loves me and that I can trust her to always be there for me because I am her baby and she is my mother. It is crucial that I feel that 2way bond in order to properly function in life. If I feel no one cares, or that I am the only one who cares, I lose hope and a sense of value. I must feel that someone values me. That value is not based on what I know, or what I look like, or how talented I am, or how perfect I am, or how high I can jump or how fast I can run, or what I possess, or how rich or famous I may be, or how cool of a video I can post on social media……..
I just received an email composed of two short sentences from someone I know who doesn’t have a functioning phone; “Hello, Do you want to hangout soon? My friend is gone and I am lonely.” What does “Hang out” mean? It means being together for the sake of being together. We value each other enough that we just want to be doing life together. As I look for a solid relationship that will stand the test of time, it will be a marriage that is based on doing all of life together because we both genuinely care for each other. This is better know as a true friend. A friend is a friend for ever!!
I actually must be relationally mature enough to be at an adult level where life is not just about me. It is also about you. You and I become We, and We become Us. This bond is crucial for both my relationship with each other, it is also the bond I need with God. I know and feel that He genuinely cares and therefore I can trust and care for Him!
It often happens that there has been trauma as an infant where that 2way bond has not been firmly established. Until that trauma has been dealt with and the skill of building that 2way bond had been learned, there will be continued chaos in developing that solid friendship where we have joy in doing all of life together as true friends.