So, what are the primary Puzzle pieces of my relational life? If I am a relational child, I will be curious as to what these puzzle pieces are. If I am an infant, I could care less. If I am an adult I will be interested to see if there is anything here that I don’t already know. If I am a relational parent, I want to know what may be missing pieces in my family. If I am an elder, I want to exhibit the entire completed puzzle to the community. These puzzle pieces are all relational skills we all need to learn in order to relate well with others and with God. It is interesting to note that the more relationally mature I become, the more people I can get along with and the better is my relationship with God.
The primary puzzle pieces of an infant are: Learning how to properly ask for things and how to properly receive things. These are puzzle pieces that I missed as an infant. I was taught to be seen and not heard and that my mom already knew what I needed. It took me decades before I learned these skills. As an infant it is crucial that I form secure attachment bonds to my primary care giver. I also interact non verbally and form joy bonds of ‘I am glad to be with you!’ I learn to see myself as valuable and loved.
The primary puzzle pieces of a child are: Learning the rules of life and how to properly keep care of myself. There are hundreds of rules from family, culture, community, God, parents and care givers. I learn how to recover from the 5 big relationship killers.. (Sadness, anger, hopeless despair, disappointment,) At this point it is critical to note that virtually all relational skills are learned by the example of those around us and especially from our primary care givers and family. These people are primarily at an adult, parent, and elder level of maturity. Being a child is tough, and if I don’t progress and mature into a parent level, I will struggle with all the rules or I will become a narcissist and attempt to govern others from a fear base. I will also most likely spend a lot of time in make believe fantasy land and social media. The rules are exterior to me at this point and I have not had the heart change of a parent where the rules come from within. It is also at this point in life where it is greatly beneficial to be born again and come alive in my spirit where I operate from a love base. Then I am not living under the weight of all the rules but I live above and beyond the rules.
The primary puzzle pieces of an adult are: The ability to keep care of myself and the ability to attune to and keep care of you. It is an exchange. I see you, hear you, feel what you feel, and I expect you to do the same for me. I will get overwhelmed if there isn’t what I perceive is a fair give and take in our relationship. In our society, this is where marriages should begin; where both partners are at least at an adult level of maturity. I know a sweet lady who spent her life taking care of spouses, children, parents, and others in her family who went thorough many traumatic times and events. When the last person she was taking care of died, she was very disillusioned and gave up, entering a rest home saying that life was not fair because she never had her turn of receiving the good life and care from the ones she loved.
As a mature parent the puzzle pieces will be viewed in part 3 of 3 of the puzzle of life