Who do I want to be when I grow up? As infants and children we play a lot of make believe. Social media has opened the door wide open for anyone to pretend to be anything or person they want to be for that time or day. There is no reality governing this make-believe life, so many remain in this infant and child state into their 30s and 40s and beyond. Due to this, they sadly remain relational infants. They may not even want to live a real life with genuine relationships, because they are not prepared for real life and neither are their “friends” who play with them on line. They are not mature adults or they wouldn’t still be playing make believe games and trying to look cool. In this world, every thing and everyone is fake and counterfeit. This is a dead end with no real life. Jesus tells us: “I have come so that you can have real life, a real life that is complete and full!” John10:10b
If I want to live real life that is relationally mature, healthy, productive, spiritually alive, and satisfying, I ideally need to start at an early age in my childhood. Sadly most of us do not live in a family setting that has relationally mature parents. Since I learn the vast majority of my relational skills from my parents and those around me I am hampered by my family environment. However this doesn’t need to stall me completely. I will just need to make connections with some who are more relationally mature and practice maturity skills that I was not shown in my family of origin.
There is real life for me as an infant where my needs are taken care of and I learn how to ask and receive and how to trust. As a child I learn the rules of life that are taught mostly by how my mature parents live, believe, and act. I also learn how to do hard things and take care of myself. As an adult I learn fair give and take and how to successfully interact with others, especially those close to me. I can now successfully hold down a real job, take care of myself and you as is needed for a healthy couple or close family. Then as a parent, I learn to care for those around me and I am satisfied with providing for, caring for, and teaching those in my family by how I live while at the same time verbally explaining why and how I live and act in all situation.
So Here Is The Key …. I must be mature enough to practice ALL of real life in front of my family and all those around me. I must be walking the walk while talking my walk. It all must connect in all the levels of maturity and in every situation that I encounter. I am not alone in this because God’s Holy Spirit is always with me in spirit form if I let Him be my Father.
Now; Real Life is everything I go through and encounter in every day of living, working, playing, resting, interacting. This includes both the good days and bad days. There is no make believe here. There is no counterfeit here. My children will mature to the level that I am mature. If I am only as mature as a relational child where I tell them what to do but do not live that way, then they will be stuck at a child level maturity. I must continue to live All of real life and continue to mature in order to enable all those following me to do the same. This a life long task with great rewards!
See RM (relational maturity) skills for more information.