*The primary strengths of each RM level: As a RM Infant I want to be with you and am dependent on You. I ask for help to meet my needs (a little help here!) I am able to receive. As a RM child I will learn the (Your) rules and I have the ability to follow them. I am not the exception to the rules. I want to and am able to keep care of myself. I am able to give. As a RM adult I am able to keep care of myself and you. I can empathize with what You want. I enjoy fair exchange. You do your part and I will do mine. Team work that benefits both of us! As a RM parent I am able to keep care of my family for their good. I create a secure place to belong. I create a place of joy in that I always have love that brings life and I will never leave you and I am with you! It is not an exchange. I do not need to have the same back from you. I am able to suffer well! As an elder I have God-sight to see our community how God sees it. I am a gentle protector of the community. I bring harmony to tough situations.
Relational Maturity Strength Rating for 5 maturity levels:
Infant: This is what I think I want. I want it and need it now. Make me happy or I will put up a fuss. I need you.
RATING: Strong for a 3 year old in physical age. Where he should be. Weak for a 30 year old in physical age. He should be at least an adult.
Child: Life is about me. Why should I be here if you are not all celebrating me? Your job is to take care of me and my wants. I didn’t ask to be born. Make me happy. I only keep care of myself.
RATING: Strong for a 7 year old in physical age. Where he should be. Weak for a 20 year old in physical age. He should be an adult.
Adult: I will share life with you. You bring me joy and I will bring you joy. We can share life’s duties. Just don’t take advantage of me too many times, or I will cut you off because you are not doing your part. I can keep care of you and myself.
RATING: Strong for a 20 year old in physical age with no children. Where he should be. Weak for a Parent or Elder.
Parent: I take my joy with me and I’m glad to be with you no matter what you are doing or acting like. I take care of my family. I will show you over and over how it is to have joy and relate and eventually you will get it. I don’t give up on you. I can keep care of myself and many of you.
RATING: Strong for a 20 year old and up physically with or without biological children. This is just one of the characteristics of an Elder.
Elder: I can see where everyone is. There is an infant, a child who needs to mature, an adult who is struggling, a parent with challenges, other elders who have their unique roles of playing out the heart that Jesus has given them. I encourage and bring joy to the whole community as I see each person as God sees them. I am the gentle protector for the entire community.
RATING: Strong at whatever age physically.
Note: The majority of Americans operate in the Infant and Child modes. So we live in a nation of children trying to get what they want from someone or from somewhere. They haven’t learned the skills to give selflessly as a parent.
What Does Being “Mature” Relationally Mean? Life is so much easier, makes way more sense, and is less frustrating when I am mature relationally. Being “mature” relationally means that I have learned all the basic skills of how to healthily interact with others. Ideally I learn these skills as I physically mature through the 6 stages of life; Preborn, Infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. Here, we only are dealing with the last 5 levels. Sadly most of us, including myself, are missing some basic, essential skills that I should have learned at each level as I grew up. But, not to worry! There is hope because I can learn these skills no matter how old I may be physically and no matter how many skills I may be missing.
The Essential Primary Strengths of Infant Level Maturity: I have a daily routine of feeding my chickens and horses in the morning. When my bouncing 4 year old granddaughter is here, she loves to go with me to help. It is all an exciting adventure for all of us including the chickens and horses. One morning when I was in hurry and she had been lagging behind getting her cow shoes on, she brought me up short with, “Pappi wait, wait.” Then while bouncing around me all full of life as we went down the hill to feed she continued her chatter… “Pappi, I just want to be with you. Here, hold my hand; I want to hold your hand. I want to run with you but I won’t run any faster that you can run.” I looked down at her hanging on to my hand and the Lord started talking to me. She continued; “If you get tired, I will stop and rest with you, and if you get thirsty, I will go get you a drink. I just want to be with you!” By now tears were streaming down my face and I looked at her intently; Jesus was talking to me directly through a 4 year old. She noticed my tears; “Pappi, you are crying, I love you!” as she latched on to my leg. “I love you too!” as I reached down and scooped her up into my arms. My 4 year old was showing me all the skills of an infant that I did not have.
Infant skills are learning how to ask for what I want. The basic “I just want to always be with you.” … I can rest and be at ease with you ... I share with you everything you give me. … Full of love sharing smiles.
The “little children” or infants are always around us, with us, or ‘underfoot’. When my son Troy was very young he followed me everywhere and always wanted to be right with me. I remember him going hunting with me and I would often tell him to ‘wait right here while I crawl on my stomach to peer over this log or boulder to see what is on the other side.’ I would then crawl ahead to do the scouting. I soon quit telling him to wait while I went ahead because invariably after I had crawled on my belly for several yards, I would look back to check on him and there he would be crawling on his belly right on my heels, often holding an obsidian arrow head he had found in the dust tracks of my crawling. Why?? Because, as an infant he did not see himself as separate from me. He was part of, always with, sharing everything with me. So, when Jesus takes a “little child” in his arms and tells us that the kingdom of God is made up of the innate understanding of an infant, He is telling us that we are always with and never separate from Him. Without Him there is no life.
The Essential Primary Strengths of Child Level Maturity: Child level maturity at a child’s physical age is perhaps the most influential and full of potential stage of that person’s life. I am the most excited in dealing with “children.” This is where I concentrate most of my energies on the ranch I have been given by the Lord. I have a lot of adopted children. Children have the energy and are wide eyed willing to plunge into the life that God has created for them and into the particular way He has created them. They feel they can do anything, and they can. They just need some guidance, encouragement, and the tools and resources of a parent. Children only stay “stuck” as a child because they are abandoned and have no parent to guide them through this most critical stage and age of relational development.
The “child’s” strength is ….. I can do it, just show me once… give me the rules of how it works ….. They are very observant …. They are fearless …. I am watching you and how you do everything ….. They are imitators …..
The Essential Primary Strengths of Adult Level Maturity:
The Essential Primary Strengths of Parent Level Maturity:
The Essential Primary Strengths of Elder Level Maturity: As an “elder” we are not being put out to pasture; We are going out into our pastures to be in touch with the herds and flocks for whatever their needs may be. As an elder, I care for the safety, interactions, and health of the entire community.