Part 1 of 3….
Ever think about how we are born and grow physically, emotionally and relationally? In general we don’t even think about such things. It just happens. When I grew up life just happened and I never gave such things a thought. All I knew is that at certain ages I was now allowed to do different and more mature things. There are a lot of pieces to growing up and very few people grow up with all the pieces put in place at the proper time and age. Life is like a big puzzle that begins to be put together for each of us when we are infants. Then we start putting the pieces together as we mature relationally and go through the stages of life (infant, child, adult, parent, elder).
The pieces to our puzzle are unique for each of us and we have several options for many of the key pieces. Most of us have several pieces damaged by type B trauma which are bad things happening to us (such as physical abuse). There are also several pieces missing all together due to type A trauma which are things missing or absent in our life (such as a father).
Physically, I keep growing and maturing as I age, eat and sleep. However, relationally, most of us stop maturing relationally because we mature relationally by observation and practice while living with key people who are mature relationally. If I did not have a relationally mature father at home as I grew up, I have a missing piece in my puzzle. I personally had a good father who was not at home because he was “doing the Lord’s work.” Looking back I would say he was at about an adult level of maturity, but, lacked the skills of a parent. Those were puzzle pieces missing in him. So, I didn’t learn those skills. And I had the same missing pieces in my life maturity puzzle as my father did.
Are you starting to get the picture? Well, we begin to get the picture of our life as more and more pieces are put together and I don’t have all these holes in my life puzzle due to all the missing or damaged pieces. And what exactly are these puzzle pieces in my life? They are life skills as to how I live, function, act, react, and relate to everyone else in my life.
Here is a shocker that is difficult for most physically mature adult people to absorb. “The vast majority of the adults in our society have the relational maturity level of infants and children.” With all the missing pieces of our life puzzles we have a very hard time keeping things together and attractive and complete. It’s not that people are bad, we just don’t have all the missing pieces of or life puzzle skills put together. I will see all of life through the eyes of the relational maturity that I posses. If I am a relational child, I will see everything through the eyes of a child, no mater how old I am physically.
So, what are these life skills that are essential puzzle pieces? See Part 2 of The Puzzle of Life!