Some of the simple things of life are the most revealing about how relationally mature we are. How well do I get along with myself? How relationally mature am I during the day in my daily activities? In this little test, I am going to talk about eating and what it reveals about how relationally mature I am.
As an infant I will eat whenever I want without waiting for anyone else. I am first in line to get what I want. I will stop and get some snacks or fast food when out and eat it all without taking anything home to any one else. At home I will eat whatever I want if available and if no one is around. It doesn’t even cross my mind to save some for others or to bring or provide anything for the meal. Years ago I had a men’s group meeting at my home where I fixed good food for the guys. I had barbecued steaks. Just enough for one each for the 11 of us. One guy who was always in the front of the line looked at the steaks and around at the other men and quickly took 2 steaks. I later asked him about it and as a true relational infant he said; “Well, I wanted 2nds and I could see that there weren’t enough to have 2nds unless I got mine first. You didn’t fix enough steaks.” That evening I didn’t eat a steak.
As a relational child I learn about the rules of eating that the society and family I live in have. I develop habits and mostly eat only one thing at a time. I can eat an entire bag of chips, a whole bowl of m&ms, the entire serving plate of shrimp. However I am cautious as to how I get what I want to eat if others are watching. I know the rules. I may bring a token six pack or bag of chips to the party. As a relational child I will expect others to have thought of my specific needs (such as gluten free). I may make several passes through the line to get the remainder of the main food I wanted. Children will always show up at events which serve “free food” and drink. That is why men’s groups most always have food. At home, children will sneak food when no one is around. This is often not the healthy food, but mostly sweets. If there is a limited quantity of something special, a child will make sure they get their piece of pie before others get it all.
Relationally mature adults will make guidelines for the party so that there is a some what good mixture and fair trade. Either bring a salad, dessert, or main dish. Not just a little bowl that would only serve 1 or 2 people as a child would do. These type of potlucks generally have plenty of food, unless there are a lot of infants attending.
Relationally mature parents think abut what their family likes and what is good for them. They will bring what their family will eat and will bring some extra for others. A parent will not eat in order for the children and infants to have food.
Elders will coordinate the foods and quantities so that there is a flow with all those at the meals.
Regularly going out to eat or ordering in is what infants and children do. As an infant or child, food is about me and what I want. So, we can all stay children and infants if we all just order what each one of us wants. We then continue as infants and children by individually playing games or being on our devices with others we don’t really even know while we are eating.
Food is associated with home. A good home has good food that is prepared in the home. In a home with relationally mature parents, we eat the same food at the same time with our family. Our Thanks is to God and our attention is to each other as we eat. This helps us all mature relationally.