Traumas create an altered state from which I operate. This altered state is not the real me that I was created to be. Most often, this altered state and way of living that I have is not the way I would like to be.
Type “A” traumas are things that were missed in my life during my development years. Developing “normal” relational skills and ways of living are taught to us by the safe, healthy, life giving, interactions we hear and see demonstrated to us by our “parents” and the community I live in. I learn by seeing them openly do all of life in healthy ways that I can observe. If this very important piece to my development is absent (type “A” trauma), I will develop an altered way of living.
The following is a short story with a brief glimpse at some of my type “A” traumas. I was born in South America and lived there until I was 17. My parents were missionaries and my growing up years were spent in the jungle. It was a wonderful life for me along with my 2 younger sisters being home schooled and spending most of every day hunting and building trails through the jungle.
I basically lived alone with no else that I interacted with. I learned discipline from my mom. I was to be seen and not heard as she knew what I needed. I never saw my parents make decisions, argue, or fight. Everything was done behind closed doors. My dad was absent most of the time doing “important” things for the Lord and starting new churches. I never doubted that they loved me or my sisters.
My parents came back to the USA for me to finish my high school and first year of college in the college they had attended. As they were going back to the mission field I felt I should get married so that I would not be alone. So I married a nice christian lady from the college and we continued college and started life together. However, I soon realized that I must have selected a defective wife. She wasn’t like my mom…. and she didn’t know everything I needed ….. And she couldn’t read my mind ….. she wasn’t able to always go with me into my jungle of outdoor activity. …. We struggled for several years and I eventually fell apart and my relational failures continued for the next 30 plus years ….
Until….. one day I was introduced to Live Model and Thrive training and relational maturity skills. Sooo Briefly here; What are some of the obvious type “A” traumas that I had?
I didn’t know how to healthily take care of my self. ….. I didn’t know how to ask for what I needed …… I didn’t know how to attune to the other person ….. I didn’t know how to make good decisions ….. I didn’t know how to properly lead ….. I didn’t know how to be a team player ….. I didn’t know how to value those around me. ….. Basically I didn’t know how to do adult life. I was stuck in an infant and child maturity level.
Sooo …. Is there hope for me? YES!! I am not the same malfunctioning infant that I was. I am rapidly maturing and I am so much more enjoying being who God created me to be as an adult and parent!