How have I matured relationally? This has been a long and often scary and painful journey for me. It has not been quick and easy. I am sharing with you 13 key individual steps that freed me to be able to mature from a relational infant and child into a relationally mature parent and elder. As I mature I better relate to everyone! Life makes so much more sense and I am so much more connected and joyful! I will always be maturing. This meditation is number 13 in a series.
Key 13: Returning to Joy from Overwhelming Emotions; The six BIG negative emotions that shut me down are ….. Fear ……. Sadness ……. Anger (rage) …… Disgust ……. Shame …… Hopeless Despair …….
When any of these emotions overwhelm me, nothing else matters. My desire to be relational is out the window and the emotion is bigger than anything else. Logic, threats or fear tactics don’t work. So, what do I do to return to my happy place.….my place of being relational…… my place of joy and being with you again. Returning to joy is not always easy especially when the conflict or agitation persists.
In this meditation I will briefly share some necessary skills and steps to bring myself back to joy. I have found that it is much easier to return to joy in my relationships as I have matured into a parent. I had to learn new skills as I matured. The steps to conflict resolution and returning to joy from overwhelm and upset relationships look like this:
1. Stay relational …. Meaning I have to stay available and in safe contact
2. Calm myself …… Meaning learn breathing and other calming techniques … “Whenever I am afraid …sad.. mad… hopeless … I will trust in You”… The less mature I am and the more trauma I have, the more I will need someone with me to walk through the valleys of the shadow ….
3. Establish correct mind-sight ….. Meaning I listen without interruption, directly to the source. I discover what is actually currently happening in the situation or in the other person’s mind and emotions ….. (Note: Mind-sight is an excellent way to discover and track the maturity process. My mind-sight changes as I mature.)
4. Establish correct God-sight ….. Meaning I ask Him what He is seeing in the situation and within my self and within the others involved. I remember that God looks at the heart of us all and situations are times for maturity to take place. Maturity often involves pain for me to grow new mature muscles.
5. Speak what God sees …… Meaning I agree with what He sees because that is the actual truth. Speaking it changes my perspective to be in line with His ways and thoughts.
There will be more meditations on “Practicing My Keys”. These will expand many of the topics touched on in this series of “Keys To My Relational Maturity”.